For a large part of my life I used to believe happiness was a reward for achieving my goals. This type of thinking meant that my happiness was always out of reach, waiting for me to prove myself while my goals kept shifting and changing. When I accomplished something, I would realize that I still yearned for more. I was always striving for that next milestone, yet happiness kept eluding me.
Over the years as my spiritual beliefs have evolved and turned into everyday practices, I’ve come to learn there is fault in this line of thinking. By believing my happiness came from achievement, I was always thinking about the future instead of living in the moment.
How could I be happy when I still had so many dreams and goals? I was living a life I had created for myself, yet happiness was always fleeting.
I wanted to be happy now, not someday in the future, so I slowly started to challenge this assumption that happiness was a reward for accomplishing goals.
A few years ago I was inspired to start a gratitude jar. Every day I would write what I was thankful for on a small piece of paper, which would then be folded and placed into a clear mason jar. By the end of the year my jar was stuffed full of things I was grateful for! This practice really helped shift my perspective, as I realized I really did have so much to be thankful for.
On challenging days I would still push myself to put something on that piece of paper, so I would shift how I saw my problems to find things to be grateful for. For example, on a day where I was struggling with parenting, I would write that I was grateful for my children, their health, and all the learning opportunities they gave me.
Instead of focussing on the negative, I learned to shift my perspective and see the light in every situation. No matter how awful my day was, there was always something to be thankful for. Sometimes I was only grateful for the opportunity to have a better day, but that is enough.
Now I should say that I’ve always been someone who looks for a silver lining. “What can I learn from this?” is a question I ask myself daily. Having a regular gratitude practice helped me take that question one step further. I started to ask myself “what is the positive side of this?” and the answer always contained a level of gratitude.
I eventually stopped filling up my gratitude jar, but I did keep up the practice of expressing gratitude. I started praying, and Kyle Gray inspired me to infuse my prayers with thank-yous instead of pleas or demands. I learned to express my gratitude out loud, especially towards other people. I expressed love, and in challenging moments I expressed compassion and forgiveness.
Slowly, through practicing cultivating an attitude of gratitude, I became happy. It turns out happiness is found in the present, and it truly does come from inside.
Through learning how to be thankful, I learned to see the positive side of every moment. This also helped me live in the moment, as I would feel grateful for life’s small pleasures. Now, when I’m given a gift of dandelions from my children, I don’t simply say a mindless thank you, I pause and appreciate the beauty of the flowers and the kindness and love in my children’s hearts. In those moments I feel so thankful for my life and see that I am truly blessed, accomplishments not required.
It’s said that miracles are a shift in perspective, and this is the miracle of gratitude. Being thankful helped me see that my life is already full of joy and wonder. Happiness isn’t in the future, it’s found in everyday moments, and it starts by noticing all you have to be thankful for.
We recently moved back to my hometown, which has been a challenging adjustment for everyone. As I work to build up our lives here, I’m reminded to stop and express my gratitude for all the wonderful things already in my life.
I have found happiness because I finally learned how to make it. Giving thanks, even when life is challenging, has improved my quality of life more than any goal setting or worldly achievement.
I am so thankful to be alive, and I am incredibly happy. My old gratitude jar survived the move and now sits proudly on display in my new home. It’s another daily reminder that being thankful is the key to being happy, and I am so grateful that I finally understand that happiness truly does come from inside.